09.29.05

worst hurricane moment

Posted in Family, News at 10:46 pm by Paloma Cruz

My worst moments of the whole Hurricane Rita experience came Friday morning. I fell asleep with the television on on Thursday night, something I do often at home. I was groggy, waking up on Friday morning when I clearly heard the newscaster report about a bus carrying elderly passengers from a nursing home, being evacuated to Dallas, which had caught fire and caused at least 20 deaths.

It would be long minutes before they announced that the bus was from Bellaire. When that did happen, I gave a sigh of relief. That meant it wasn’t carrying my father.

Here’s some news coverage on the crash:

Bus firm accused of endangering elderly
State received complaints 3 years before fiery accident¹
– reported by KHOU CBS Channel 11

The South Texas tour company whose bus was involved in a fiery accident that killed 23 nursing home patients last week has been accused of endangering elderly passengers before, according to documents obtained Wednesday by The Dallas Morning News.

* * *
Reminders:

KHOU CBS Channel 11 requires a free registration.

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09.18.05

watch it

Posted in General at 6:17 pm by Paloma Cruz

Great quote I picked up from GoDaddy’s Bob Parsons (via his blog):

Everything that is watched improves.
One thing I learned early in my business career is that anything of significance that is measured and watched, improves.

I like that. Watch and measure… to improve. Perhaps I’ll pay attention to this one.

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09.14.05

sympathy pain

Posted in Health at 10:10 pm by Paloma Cruz

A Geek’s Search For Meaning has been posting about back pain and surgery.

In How bad can pain get? he writes:

I was sobbing uncontrollably for about 10 minutes. That’s the kind of pain you normally can only get with badly trained medical personnel during a hospital stay.

The one I can really relate to is Being acutely aware of time, where he writes:

I’ve been very acutely aware of time lately. With my current back condition my day has been divided up into 6 hour intervals between pain medication.

Ditto. When my back is acting up, I know, to the minute, how long until my next dose is due. Sometimes, the meds last long enough to make due until I can take the next dose. Sometimes I have to start supplementing with additional, different medication (as suggested by my medical professionals).

I hate having to take the pills. I resent it. I hate having to keep track of time that way. I hate knowing that if I wait too long, they’ll wear out and I’ll be in pain for the 20 to 30 minutes it takes for them to actually kick in. I hate having to move cautiously, because I’m just this side of pain. I hate knowing that the pressure is going to build up in my back until I have to shift my weight or site or stand or move or something to make it go away before it becomes real pain.

And I really really hate knowing that this isn’t going to go away.

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09.10.05

bored, broke and needy

Posted in General at 3:08 am by Paloma Cruz

One of the main drawbacks to being broke is that I don’t have any money to do fun stuff, buy new clothes or go out regularly.

Bummer.

The diet is working, and I’m losing weight. That’s a good thing. My clothes are fitting loose… looser… loose enough that I’m having to put some of them aside so I won’t mistakenly wear them again. And I don’t have money to buy new clothes to replace them.

Of course, since my back still acts up a lot, wearing heels is out of the question. And I really really miss my shoe wardrobe. And I have many pants that are too long to wear with flat shoes (these I’ll have to take to the seamstress to get hemmed up). And I have many skirt for which I haven’t bought the right shoes to wear yet. So my wardrobe is limited by my lack of shoes. And, as I already wrote, I don’t have money right now to completely redo my shoe wardrobe.

(Can you tell that I’m writing this as 3 a.m.? My sentence structure sucks right now, and I’m in a whiny mood.)

In my next life I will be one of the haves, rather than one of the… whatever I am now. I’m not a have-not. I don’t think I qualify as middle class. What am I?

Perhaps that’s a question for daylight musings.

Anyway, a work week is over, I’m writing this on my new and improved work laptop and I can’t sleep. Sounds like business as usual.

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09.05.05

a chronology of pain, part 6

Posted in Health at 11:15 pm by Paloma Cruz

A mental trick on dealing with stress I heard from a colleague is a voodoo doll list. She told me once, years ago, that she kept a list in her mind of people of whom she would make voodoo dolls when she got the time (and inclination). That the list changed almost daily. That there are people who are permanently on there, and people who make it for days or hours or weeks or until she forgave them. She told me that just keeping the list made her feel better. And she carries a little plastic box full of pins in her purse, which she rattles when stress is really getting on her nerves. It makes her feel better.

My mental stress trick is significantly more violent. I douse them in gasoline, light a match and set them on fire. If I cannot rip someone to shreds verbally, which is something I do very very well (I’ve actually reduced people to tears, without trying) I picture myself hurting them. I know, this probably isn’t an indication of balanced mental health, but picturing it, or writing about it, releases the stress.

For my orthopedist I have visualized this particular scenario dozens upon dozens of times.

He told me that I was suffering from normal wear and tear on my back and that, based on the fact that I was feeling better, I should be on the mend. No mention of the results of the MRI. No mention on things I should avoid or things I needed to be aware of. He didn’t mention my weight (which was mentioned to me by my PCP and the nurse at the emergency room). He doesn’t think I need physical therapy.

To say I was shocked was a massive understatement.

I asked him direct questions about the results of the MRI, and he dismissed my questions. When I asked about the desiccation he actually laughed at me. When I kept pushing he told me that if I felt strongly that I needed physical therapy that I should go back to my PCP and have him refer me to a physical therapist. Then he gave me a brochure on taking care of my back and offered to renew my prescriptions, if necessary.

I know now that all of this was based on the report of the MRI and not the MRI films themselves, which he hadn’t even received yet when we had our appointment. He hadn’t even reviewed my MRI and he was telling me that a 34-year-old woman has this kind of MRI report and it was due to normal wear and tear? My PCP was freaked out at the report, enough that he dropped his condescending attitude and treated me with a little respect after he read it and I’m supposed to believe that everything is OK?

Have I mentioned that I am still in pain? I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t have to take the Valium and the Vidodin every 6 hours. I might have to resort to a muscle relaxer once a day, on a good day, and have had two complete weeks without Vicodin (using over the counter stuff instead). Of course, last Wednesday I had a really bad day and have been back on the six-hour good-stuff schedule since.

Valium makes my speech slurred. I don’t enjoy that. Under the best of circumstances I don’t think in a straight line, and have trouble communicating my process from A to D (I sort of jump from topic to topic). The combination of Valium and Vicodin makes me incredibly mellow.

I have changed doctor’s groups to Kelsey-Seybold. With them, I don’t need the HMOs approval, or a PCP referral, to see a specialist. The network is huge and has offices near work and near my home. And many people have given them good references.

I’ve picked up my medical records from the bastard orthopedist, including the MRIs and the X-rays, and I’ve consulted with my new primary care physician (had my annual check-up) and I feel very good about him. He’s recommended that I see an orthopedist who is also a spinal specialist. I am now going to make an appointment with him or her.

I should point out that my new PCP was shocked that the orthopedist didn’t at least suggest physical therapy, especially since I’m still in pain.

Anyway, I’ll continue to post about this, but I’m stopping the “chronology of pain” titles with this one.

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09.04.05

I didn’t do this…

Posted in General at 6:03 am by Paloma Cruz

…but it sounds like fun:

Tailored by You is the first in a series of informative and interactive fashion seminars and workshops dedicated to educating the Houston masses on fashion, style, and the appreciation of the tailored craft. Our mission is to put Houston on the fashion map—starting with our closets. Remember that time you stained your favorite white shirt with tomato sauce or that hideous, leopard-spotted bodysuit from middle school? Well, it’s time to give it a second life. We want to teach aspiring fashionistas how to work with what they already have by turning it into something new and fashionable, or they can swap their old pieces for new ones with their new friends. A panel of fashion experts will instruct a seminar that will lay down the design basics everyone should know as well as new ways of looking at trends and styles, the inspirations for our hands-on workshop. During the workshop, the panel will assist Tailored by You participants in creating their own trendy things using simple sewing, alteration and embellishment techniques. Pieces selected by our fashion judges will make their public debut September 29th on the runway at Dean’s Credit Clothing in downtown Houston.

This was held yesterday, September 3rd. (Thanks, ShopGirl, for pointing out the event itself.) What I did do was spend the day sleeping (I’m back on my Valium/Vicodin cocktail, since my back pain is back in full force). I gotta find fun things to do and actually do them. Fun stuff has been lacking in my life since my back decided to take a painful vacation.

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a chronology of pain, part 5

Posted in Health at 5:54 am by Paloma Cruz

(See a chronology of pain, parts 1, 2, 3 & 4 for the beginning of this.)

My MRI report:

Disc dessication from L2-3 through L5-S1.
Posterior annular tear at L4-5 with central and right sided impingement upon the thecal sac.
bulging annulus with L5-S1 with the annulus just touching the right sided spinal nerve at this point.

No good news.

My doctor allowed me to read the MRI report and went over what it meant with me, explaining the worst-case scenario of each item. He told me, quite frankly, that he had been expecting my MRI to come back without anything on it. I guess he thought I was making a big deal out of nothing.

Then he proceeded to give me the worst-case scenario, which involved back surgery, dessicating discs and atrophy to muscles. I came out of the conversation with him shell-shocked and freaked.

He put me on a 1200-calorie a day diet, both to reduce the pressure on my back and in anticipation of back surgery. It was his opinion that, with back surgery, in my case it wasn’t a question of if but a question of when. It was our goal, he said, to put it off as much as possible.

He gave me strict instructions on what I could and could not do. He told me that I would be deadling with back problems for the rest of my life. And he told me that he would have to monitor me closely because of the medication I would be forced to take to control the pain.

As I said, no good news.

Two weeks later, my orthopedist told me that there was nothing wrong with me.

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